Unsettled

Finally went back to Shenzhen. It was a long day today spent with two of my best friends :) 

Got a lot on my mind lately and today was the perfect distraction especially since I was taken to a Chinese massage parlor in Shenzhen. At the end of it, I've made up my mind that I really don't like Massages. I tried Thai massage before when I was taking my friends touring around Bangkok and Pattaya but now that this is my third experience with getting a massage, it's definitely something I've come to not enjoy.

The good thing about getting a massage however is that inability to think whatsoever. When you try thinking about a certain topic, your mind just keeps wondering on and on non-stop about something else when your body is being kneaded like a dough. It helped clear my mind a lot, even though it was just temporary.

Birthday is coming up and I don't know exactly what I want to do with it. I'm trying my best not to over-think so much about something and that ends up keeping my mind blocked. I wouldn't say it is a writers' block because I'm writing right now but I sure want to know why I can't shake it off at all.

Funny thing is....Part of it is jealousy, I'm sure of that. Not of anything, but I am jealous that someone I know is able to go that extra mile and just step out of the border without looking back. I am jealous because I know I can do the same but I have never taken that step yet and I am scared. What I need to do right now, is to not be so jealous anymore and start getting inspired. Easier said than done so let me just stay unsettled for tonight.