When you see a man...

...walking on a street.
What is the first question that comes to your mind?

Where is he going? That's what I consider the most common question that everyone has, but if you really think about it, there are many more questions as well. 

Where did he come from? Where has he been? Why is he walking that way? What is his reasons? 

Who is he? 

Most people are mostly concerned about what happens in the future. In fact, some people spends all their lives preparing for their futures that they forget to live in the present. But does one's past matter? 

In my life, I have met people from different backgrounds. Rich and poor, male and female, smart and dumb, from the east and from the west. People have their thoughts and mind that are different from one another. And one can find out so much about someone else by simply talking to them, but I wonder, what it means to really know someone.

I came to my own conclusion that it's impossible to really know someone because getting to know someone is not only about knowing about all the characteristics of that person. Knowing someone is aseeing and witnessing how someone changes and adapt to the environment around them and since change is constant no matter how you try not to be changed by your environment, people still change.

"Change is inevitable. Change is constant." - Benjamin Disraeli 

and that's probably my biggest fear right now. I fear that I will change into someone who is completely different because of my environment. I fear that my existent as a childish and foolish self which I treasure will become obsolete. Maybe I just don't want to grow up, but can you blame me? Grown-ups are boring.

The past matters as much as the present and you won't be able to have a future without it. Maybe my future is not yet a clear path right in front of me, but I am quite certain of myself now and where I have been so I will just try my best in being myself through the rough path ahead. I don't want to grow up to be just another guy looking forward for life to happen.

Life happens once and it is happening now.

Lovely. (Lots of words with no pics so don't waste your time here)

           My blogger friend has been updating her blog about her relationship experiences and her current relationship lately...  And the only reason I'm calling her a blogger friend even though she studies in the same university as myself, in the School of Engineering same as myself, arrived at this university same time as myself, being an international student living far-off from home just like myself among other things we have in common,...is because I barely see her anymore :P It might be a small world after all, but HKUST is friggin huge. I barely see her and get to talk to her much and she's the kind of person who you seriously cannot NOT be friends with :)...but back to the story. Her stories are actually quite interesting and I really don't know what to say to make her feel better when it comes to that. I'll just write my own stories here and see if anyone would waste their time to decipher it.

          Let's be honest here, I AM NOT AN HONEST PERSON. Not when it comes to this subject anyways. Unlike what most people think, when it comes to relationship, I like to take it slow rather than move everything on Fast Forward and hope it all goes well. I like to get to know a person first and then when I'm really sure I don't want to go another minute knowing that there could be another asshole out there like myself trying to win over this girl like I am, I would just ask her out. Unfortunately this method of mine backfires a lot. A LOT!!!!

          When I think about love, my mind usually goes back to my junior high school...No not a first love thing actually, but it was an English class assignment. Our teacher then was a very intelligent guy who likes to stimulate the minds of students a little bit. He likes it when a student who loves the English language like myself comes up with a clever answer that makes him laugh and I was obsessed with coming with clever answers all the time. One time, the question was something alone the line, "Have you ever fallen in love before?" and that was probably the only question of all my junior high school that I answered with such a childish and thoughtless mind like, "Yes....with my Television" It was not long after that when I actually fell hard. And my mind just always goes back to this simple yet complicated question all the time.

        Of all my life, I've only fallen in love once with a Californian girl whom I'm not even sure if I'll ever meet again. It was a stupid, thoughtless, and definitely known better by myself and I would still fall for her a thousand times over again because of how miserable and pitiful I was back then. What can I say, that smile killed me. Sadly, she was already taken by another asshole who I'd rather call a lucky bastard more than anything else. When I actually got to know the guy, I began to like him since he wasn't that bad of a guy to begin with, but there's also this little part of myself I never knew existed that just wants to punch him in the face everytime I see him...and he'd probably beat me up with one arm tied behind his back anyways.

         And that's how I actually learned about the word love for the first time. I will never forget her for sure, and that's why I like making people smile so much. I liked being stupid, miserable and completely and utterly addicted to her smile. After all, a smile is the most beautiful curve on a woman's body :)


          Ever since I came to Hong Kong, I'm not gonna lie, I have been looking for someone who could make me feel the same way as well. And I'm learning more and more about myself along the process. Dating here is so much different from what I've experienced so far. From what I gather, boys and girls here just go in and out of relationships for the fun of it. Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing for them, but all I can see it as is childplay nothing more and nothing  less. But with that said,...I think I've ruined my chance with a Hong Kong girl just because I don't get her culture maybe. I was very much attracted to this particular cute girl in the Fall semester of my freshmen years studying in Hong Kong. And when I say attracted...I mean I cannot think of anything else but her smile. However, with my prior experience with another HK girl, I misinterpreted a lot about how I should act in front of her and instead became someone else completely when I'm with her. Although her smile was to kill for :) I couldn't really communicate with her and ended up never getting to take her out for a second date. But damn, was it worth it. I actually got to become miserable again and I became so stupid at so many occasions afterwards that my friend literally face-palm'd himself until it hurt.


With all this said, I get to know myself more from this particular girl and although she probably won't ever become a big part of my world no matter how much I wanted to be a part of hers...I think it's a person like that who I will always remember :) I know exactly what I want and I know that I will never settle for any less. Though she might never see me as my true self since I'm telling you, I am not an honest person, I really wished one thing hadn't changed. Her smile towards me which was so bright and beautiful from last semester has only become a completely forced smile that I see far but too often. It took me a while but I finally got over her. Most likely because of her cold and distant smile that I see now. Though I really don't want to make it uncomfortable for this girl more than I already have...and yes I already have, every time  I see it, I just want to walk up to her and say..."Boo!"


I really don't know what love is, I don't know what long distance relationship will be like, I don't know how my love life will go from now on, but from what I do know...right now there's a girl out there who's going to become my next lesson giver someday ;) and I will be stupid enough to face misery head on again.

In case of emergency...

Scream!!!!

In case life doesn't go your way...
In case people hate and discriminate...
In case you have the blues...
In case you are drowning in despair...
In case finding someone to love is a journey too tiring...
In case zombies DO attack...Don't take this lightly, They will kill you...
In case your midterms are just raping you senselessly...
In case you can't find a good enough song that express just exactly how you feel...
In case sharing your burden with someone else is an impossible task for you...
In case speaking up for what you believe is unachievable...
In case bitches be bitching...
In case assholes don't leave you alone...
In case...in case.


BE STUPID, IT HELPS.
Why listen to your logic when it led you to such situations anyways?
Do the stupidest thing you can think of, it's not the end of the world.

What have you learned?

The question is simple. Hard to answer but it's only a four-word question. I have been asking my friend,Girl, this question for the last two weeks but I have yet to get any answer, and I doubt any real answer is coming anytime soon. So maybe...just maybe, it's time for me to ask myself this question.

To clarify this a little bit more, the question is about Human relations. When you get to know someone, you start learning about them. Bits by bits, you know them better as if you're reading through a book. But the book is not some cheap novel that you can just predict what the next page will be like. Each and every book you come across will be different. Some has more interesting covers than others but has such a crappy content. Some looks like a plain old book, but what lies inside is an adventure of a life time. I would consider the book my friend came across as...a children book with interesting pictures and words scattered all over the place, but that's  a story worth another day.

What happened to the book I came across? Well, I'm a bookworm. Ironically enough, the friend of mine who is stuck with the children book is an actual bookworm. But in this case I am a bookworm since it was a bad metaphor to begin with. I have found books that I am interested in but never picked them up. The book I did pick up though was rather interesting. The story which lies inside is completely different than what I thought, and it drew me in even more. Like a child visiting the bookstore and finding his favorite comic book, I never wanted to put it down. Alas the ending lies beyond me because I had to put it down before I could read any further.

I am not a man of wisdom. But I know myself very well. I know that I have yet to experience life at its peak and neither at its bottom. I know that my sense of priorities is quite messed up lately. I know that I should sleep more in order to actually be awake in the day. And I know that I must keep learning...in order to live exactly the way I want. In every book, there lies a lesson, something you must learn by reading it. Not so long ago, I think I've finally figured out what the lesson from the previous books I picked up was...and now I'm just looking forward to learn more